i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
