Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
