No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i think i have herpe
just one?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
