So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
