I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
