i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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