I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
