she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
