sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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