Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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