Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
