i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
