She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize