I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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