I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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