i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
