Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
