Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
