my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you traded sex for a burrito?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
