went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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