I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
