when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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