remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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