i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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