Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
