She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Come on in and take your pants off
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