porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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