and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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