I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
