i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
