He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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