Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
