His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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