if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
