I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Pants are for mortals
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
