You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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