I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Randomize