a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
