Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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