omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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