spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
