So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
