the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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