She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
