so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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