I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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