i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
