Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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