Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
