I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
