I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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