I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize