Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
