Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
