I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize