rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
