she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
