so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
