im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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