True but thats because hes a fetus.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
