so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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