apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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