Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
