Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
