4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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